My sister is a great mom. She has two very active little girls who practically run circles around her but she loves every minute of it. She and her husband waited a long time to have kids. When her daughters finally did arrive, solely by the grace of G-d, she was thrilled as she was unsure she would ever be able to have children.
She recently told me about an experience which gave me pause to think about G-d's perfection--both in His plan for our lives as well as in the lives of others.
She called me feeling kind of down. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had had a bad day. I asked what had happened to cause her to feel this way.
She said she had accompanied her eldest daughter on a summer program field trip to Silver Dollar City in Branson, Mo. For readers outside of Missouri, Silver Dollar City is a huge rustic-style theme park with rides, uber-yummy food, craftsmen, shops and all kinds of entertainment.
She said that while at the park with her daughter and her class, people--both parents with the class as well as other park-goers--very noticeably stared at her. A little background--my sister, an incredibly beautiful woman, has a bright, strawberry-colored birthmark which spans across a quarter of her face.
As she was describing her discomfort, she said usually that kind of thing doesn't bother her as she's kind of used to it, but on this particular day there were so many people who stopped and stared with mouths wide and agape, it was difficult for her to simply shrug it off.
Her story reminded me of another incident concerning her birthmark which I had never told her. I decided to share it with her.
Several years earlier I hosted Thanksgiving at my then boyfriend's house. My entire family attended as well as his parents and sister.
The dinner went well considering it was the first time both our families had gathered and visited with one another for any extended period of time. During the course of the evening my boyfriend's father approached me and asked about my sister's "burn."
When he inquired about it, I immediately began to frantically look about the room to assess who had been injured. I have three sisters so I quickly scanned to see which one might have been hurt. My immediate thoughts were had I left the oven on in the kitchen? Was one of my sisters trying to get bread out of the oven and hurt herself accidentally? What burn? Where?
I did this for about 15-20 seconds until it dawned on me that he was speaking about my sister's birthmark. I explained to him it was merely a birthmark and not at all the result of a "burn."
I realized a couple of significant things in that moment.
One was that I had literally stopped "seeing" my sister's birthmark ages ago. This ability was not merely a sisterly courtesy I offered her out of love--I mean I literally do not see a "birthmark" when I look at her. I notice her beautiful green eyes, her extremely long eyelashes and her quick and generous smile. I don't "see" a birthmark.
The second thing I realized was that some human beings are naturally drawn to and seem to dwell or focus upon perceived physical "imperfections."
A little background into my then boyfriend's father--upon being introduced to him for the first time, his unapologetic and appalling lack of fundamental good manners caused him to only be able to muster a brusque inquiry about my boyfriend's female co-worker who was in England studying at university at the time. It set the tone for the entire relationship which thankfully ended soon afterward.
However like the people staring at my sister at Silver Dollar City, he demonstrated an inability to "see" anything beyond the outer human shell or his own agenda.
I am now as I was then puzzled by this inability on the part of certain select human beings to see past the obvious. How and why would anyone want to miss truly being able to "see" the world as it really is or as brightly as it shines for those of us who dare to see it beyond the easy ordinary?
The truth is there is no such thing as a "perfect" human being. We all have seeming outward and all-too-often inward flaws, failings and/or faults. That's a concrete fact of being human. How then can any one person stand or stare in seeming judgment or ridicule of another human being in light of this inescapable truth?
I continued in this line of thinking and shared another story with my sister.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, in his "The Power of Intention" program for PBS, offers a poignant real-life account detailing the infallible beauty of G-d's perfection.
In "The Shia Story" Dyer tells of a father who experiences a life-changing event with his young learning-disabled son Shia.
Shia's father is speaking to a group of parents of learning-disabled children when he asks the question, "Where is the perfection in my son Shia? Everything G-d does is done with perfection but my child cannot remember facts and figures as other children do. Where is G-d's perfection here?"
Dyer says the audience is both shocked by the question and pained by the father's anguish. The father then goes on to say, "I believe that when G-d brings a child like Shia into the world, the perfection that He seeks is in the way people react to this child."
Dyer says one afternoon Shia and his father were walking past a park where some boys Shia knew were playing baseball. Shia asked his father if he could play. Shia's father knew his son wasn't athletically adept but if he was permitted to play it would mean the world to his son.
So they approached the boys and asked if he could join in. The boys let him play. They had to help him as he didn't even know how to hold the bat. Another player stood behind Shia and held the bat with him to help him to make contact with the ball.
Finally Shia and his helper hit the ball out into the field. The boys in the outfield intentionally fumbled the ball while cheering Shia to run the bases, eventually landing him at home. The boys from both teams then lifted Shia on their shoulders and cheered him as the hero of the game.
Dyer says that on that day, Shia's father noted, the 18 boys who let Shia play in their game reached THEIR level of G-d's perfection.
In much the same way I explained to my sister that her birthmark is really outward sign of G-d's love and faith in her because He personally selected her to help those who see her reach new levels of spiritual growth and maturity. In being able to "see" past her birthmark while welcoming in her true beauty, G-d's perfection is illuminated in everyone around her. Like Shia, I told her, she is really a catalyst for spiritual love, mercy and compassion.
The truth is the spiritual beauty she naturally brings out in others is far more precious and valuable than any public approval or accolades she may have been able to gain had she not been born with the birthmark in the first place.
By recognizing and fully accepting the fundamental truth that we, as human beings, are, by our very nature, inescapably imperfect, we discover the depth of G-d's love and can take comfort in the precise planning He exercises in our lives from beginning to end for our ultimate spiritual good.
